Keyblade tango
by butterchicken
Summary: The kingdom hearts girls tell the story of how they murdered their husbands. pairings are a surprise ;) song, of course, is cell block tango.


The keyblade tango

Bonjour. i got a break from my apprenticeship, and decided to post this. enjoy, note. i own nothing. all credit goes to Kingdom Hearts and Chicago.

The stage was set: six doors were lined, each with a word on it. The council of Disney Castle was watching the performance. Finally, the music began. The first door was thrown open, and Naminè stepped out.

"Pop!" she spat out.

The second door opened, and Xion arrived.

"Six." She continued, a look of distaste on her face

"Squish." Larxene continued with a look of triumph.

"Uh-uh!" a terrified Olette continued, looking like she was going to cry.

"Cicero." Aqua added.

"Lipschitz." Kairi finished.

The six girls began dancing, as Riku stepped onstage.

"And now," he began, "the six merry murderesses of the Disney Castle jail, and their rendition of the Keyblade Tango."

With that, he stepped offstage, and the girls continued.

"Pop!"

"Six."

"Squish."

"Uh-uh!"

"Cicero."

"Lipschitz."

"Pop!"

"Six."

"Squish."

"Uh-uh!"

"Cicero."

"Lipschitz."

"Pop!"

"Six."

"Squish."

"Uh-uh!"

"Cicero."

"Lipschitz."

Then they got up and began singing in unison

He had it coming, he had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would have done the same

"Pop!"

"Six."

"Squish."

"Uh-uh!"

"Cicero."

"Lipschitz."

The girls all parted at that, and Naminé took center stage

You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like Roxas. Roxas like to chew gum, no, not chew, Pop! So, I come home this one day, And I'm really irritated, and I'm looking for a little sympathy, and there's Roxas. Layin' on the couch, drinking a beer, and chewin', no, not chewin', poppin! So, I said to him, I said to him, "you pop that gum one more time…" and he did So I took the shotgun off the wall And I fired two warning shots… into his head

The girls all took the stage and sang again.

He had it coming, he had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you had been there, if you had heard it. I bet ya, you would have done the same.

This time, Xion took stage.

I met Vanitas Borg from Salt Lake city about two years ago  
And he told me he was single and we hit it off right away  
So, we started living together  
He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner.  
And then I found out, single he told me, single, my ass!  
Not only was he married, oh no, he had six wives  
One of those Mormons, you know

So that night, when he came home from work  
I fixed him his drink as usual  
You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic

The girls all began again.

He had it coming, he had it coming  
He took a flower in its prime  
And then he used it and he abused it  
It was a murder but not a crime

Now it was Larxene's turn. She took out her knife and began twirling it while telling her story.

Now, I'm standing in the kitchen  
Carvin' up the chicken for dinner Minding my own business  
And in storms my husband Axel in a jealous rage  
"You been screwin' Marluxia"

He says, he was crazy, and he kept sayin'  
"You been screwin the Marluxia"  
Then he ran into my knife  
He ran into my knife ten times

The girls all jumped forward and continued.

If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would have done the same

At this point, Aqua pushed an almost sobbing Olette forward and cast a spell which brought up subtitles.

How did I find myself here? They say Pence held down Hayner and I cut his head off But it's not true. I am innocent. I don't know why Seifer says I did it. I tried to explain at the police station but they didn't understand

"But did you do it?" Queen Minnie gently asked  
"Uh uh, not guilty!" Olette cried

Sighing, Aqua pushed her back and took her place.

My sister, Cinderella and I had this double act  
And my husband, Terra traveled around with us  
Now, for the last number in our act  
We did 20 acrobatic tricks in our world

One two three four five, splits, spread eagles  
Flip flops, back flips, one right after the other  
Well, this one night before the show, down in the hotel Cicero

The three of us  
Boozin' and havin' a few laughs and we ran out of ice  
So I go out to get some

I come back, open the door  
And there's Cinderella and Terra  
Doing number seventeen, the spread eagle

Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out  
I can't remember a thing, it wasn't until later  
When I was washing the blood off my hands  
I even knew they were dead

They had it coming, they had it coming  
They had it coming all along  
I didn't do it, but if I'd done it  
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

They had it coming, they had it coming  
They had it coming all along  
I didn't do it, but if I'd done it  
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

Finally, Kairi took the stage.

I loved Sora Lipschitz more then I could possibly say, he was a real artistic guy, sensitive, a painter  
But he was always trying to find himself  
He go out every night looking for himself  
And on the way, he found Ariel, Alice, Wendy and Ventus

I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences  
He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead

At that, all the girls stepped forward and continued, with their moves

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum  
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

They had it comin', they had it comin'  
They had it comin' all along  
'Cause if they used us and they abused us  
How could they tell us that we were wrong?

He had it coming, he had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would have done the same

As the music died down, the girls began whispering again.

You pop that gum one more time  
Single my ass  
Ten times

I don't know why Seifer says I did it  
Number seventeen, the spread eagle  
Artistic differences

Finally, the girls went back behind the door, whispering their key words one last time:  
"Pop!"

"Six."

"Squish."

"Uh-uh!"

"Cicero."

"Lipschitz."

Once the music ended, the council was in a roar of applause. As the girls came out and did their bows, as they were lead away in handcuffs


End file.
